Daytime drinking is a different buzz, Lets just go for one. I’d love to meet the person who just goes for one, that was lovely. I’m out of here. In my experience of drinking, it takes a couple of pints to get going. The first one always tastes a bit ropey and after 3 you’ve no idea what you’re even drinking.
Depending on what you drink I guess. I always felt jealous of Guinness drinkers. It looked so nice, such dedication, you’d to wait for it to be ready, It was like a date. My Dad loved Guinness so much, he’d only drink it in Ireland,He refused to drink it outside Ireland. Guinness doesn’t travel well, Like it’s a person, when have you been ever on a plane and looked to the left of you and there’s a pint of Guinness saying “I hate flying”
It’s serious dedication. I’ve tried Guinness lots of times,never liked it,people would say, it’s an acquired taste.This isn’t a drink, it’s a vocation, It takes time to get ready and you might not even like it !!.Pints of Guinness looks great,It’s the perfect pint. Back in the day, you’d see pensioners drinking half pints. My god is there anything as cute as a pensioner drinking a half pints of Guinness.
In parts of Ireland you can walk into a bar and all you will see is pints of Guinness. The parish priest even looks one.People have said that a pint a day is good for you, not sure who said that. I’ve never been a doctor who advised me to drink a pint of Guinness to solve the common cold.Anyhow if you’re ever in Ireland try the Guinness, it’s very good for you.If you’re mad busy even go the one.
How we behave in Hotels is weird, if you were staying in a friends house,No way you’d steal the soap, watch sky news naked,ask for extra towels. You can tell how successful you’re doing by the accommodation you’re staying in. If it’s a hostel ,you need to get your shit together.
I’ve stayed in Hostels and I hope never have to do again.The idea of sharing a bathroom with 18 strangers makes me get up early in the morning. I remember staying in a hotel in Earlscourt so rough, the en suite was the pub across the road. There was a sink in the room.If you wanted to take a piss in that. The manager of told me that. This was after he upgraded me, my original room was a skip with a roof
Not really fan of news stations, sky news seems to know tragedy’s before they’ve happened, But once you’re in a hotel room, that all changes, within 30 seconds you’re to up to date on world news and the current financial state of the Dow Jones
One thing I love about hotels is the complimentary biscuits.The biscuits in Hotel rooms taste like nothing you’ve had before. My lord they’re that nice,They make me feel so good, I wash them down with a cup of tea while reading the bible.The Bible in hotels is interesting,never have I been in a hotel room and thought, what would Jesus think ??
Maybe after you’ve felt the guilt of paying for a porno on the adult channel.you need redemption.This weekend I’m staying at the Motel one in Newcastle,It’s en suite ,massive televsion, no need to take a piss in the sink.
I don’t remember the last time I went to confession.I was about 14.If I was to go now,I’d need to take a couple of weeks off work. In Ireland you make your first confession around 7.You know the drug fuelled years. Not sure what sins you commit as a 7 year old,Considering you’re in bed every night before 8pm
Bless me father for I have sinned, I stayed up until 10 p.m. I remember going once and I forgot the act of contrition,which is the……. Still don’t know what it is , All I remember is I forgot it and Father Farrell wasn’t happy.
Priests back in day had a lot to say in the community, So the last thing you wanted to do is mess them about. I remember telling the same sins for 7 years, Going places I shouldn’t go, fighting with my brothers and sisters.Which was a lie,I’ve no brothers.
The fact you couldn’t see the priest was great,He couldn’t make eye contact with you and make the situation more awkward than it was. Something about a 7 year old in a dark box with a priest doesn’t sound like a normal situation.
The last time I went to confession was in senior school. It was very strange day as there was no confession boxes,open confessions ??? In broad day light.it was the worst form of speed dating possible. I had my sins down to the last one ,fighting with my brothers and I nailed my act of contrition
I’m just back from Denmark,I gig in Europe a lot.All the places i’ve visited in Europe,not one person has said,they’re coming to the UK to take all the jobs.I’ve been to Scandinavia a lot,It’s a very impressive,beautiful people,architecture,What’s not to love.
One thing for sure, you’ll see lots of good looking,people.Tall,chiselled,blonde.It’s literally where they’re made.There seems no middle ground in how people look,You’re either a Super model or an extra from Lord of the Rings.
Every guy looks like he’s just come off the catwalk and is heading somewhere else that tall people and cheekbones are needed.You don’t to see too many average looking Scandinavians.I know what’s average in Sweden ?? 5.8 and blonde,the shame.
What comes with this beauty ??? Personality doesn’t seem that high.Banter is something Swedish people use in making furniture.Has anyone ever been kept up all night at the bar with those crazy Swedes.Speed dating with Scandinavians might be something you’d want to avoid.
Surprisingly enough Scandinavians love the booze , probably to escape from been so attractive.Unlike the Irish tho,after 8 hours of drinking,they still look great,no missing teeth,sprained limbs, bruising.Every Irish person at some point has thought,they’d broken a bone,sprained an ankle left their leg in a taxi.I guess when none of this happens when you drink and you look that good in the morning,You don’t have to work on your personality.
London is a wash with coffee shops.Café Nero,Starbucks Greg’s if you don’t give a shit.Gregs is actually not that bad a place. In parts Scotland it’s considered health food store. I’m not ashamed to admit, I’ve frequented it on various occasions,I’ve lived to tell the tale.
I’ve noticed the it does depend where in Britain you are. London is ok,The further north you go I’ve found the food not up to its £1.99 a sandwich standard. Its very much the mega bus of cuisine. Not sure of health and safety but I’m almost sure smoking while working is frond upon. I had to remind myself,I was in Birmingham bus station and not the south of France
If you haven’t heard of the Megabus,good for you. It’s like a luxury prison bus, The drivers have been known to have a can of Stella while working. It’s so cheap,you can’t complain This bus is a disgrace!!!!! How much did you pay ??? £ 1 return
When I first moved to London I saw them everywhere “Glasgow for £ 1, I thought that’s cheap. Then I got it and thought, it’s a bit pricey. The bus from London to Glasgow can take forever.It’s the only time I ever felt for the first people who went to Australia by boat. You leave London at 8am and arrive into Glasgow at 6pm.
You’d need a shave getting off it, No breaks ,for food, drink, it stops for nothing, not even a red light.When you get off it you resemble Robinson Crusoe,GREGS doesn’t seem so bad then.
You often here as a man as you head out the door,have fun. Fun ??? Nothing about being a man is fun.Not saying it’s all bad,but fun. Challenging, deceitful ,forgettable might be words to describe what happens on a lads night out.
The word fun really goes out your life once you realise Santa is your parents and the whole school thing goes on for years, some people love school , some hate it.I didn’t mind it, I thought it was good craic,might be an Irish thing, we judge everything on how much craic you can have doing it.I’d never imagine in a job interview ,what attributes will you bring to the firm??? I’m great craic, will get you the Job
Performance in school is monitored by ¼ exams, which will determine what class you go into, what universities you can apply for, what trade you get pushed into.Back in the day a trade was a great job. There was not much happening in Ireland in the 80’s and early 90’s.Most future carpenters and plumbers left school around 15.Very young, lets be honest,a career in medicine or law was never on the cards for someone who was also a dab hand with a hammer.
I was terrible at both, School and hammers, for years I tried to convince myself I’d adhd ,bi polar ,ac-dc.Some learning disability to explain my poor performance .I remember in woodwork (medicine was never really on my horizon )We’d to build bird houses. bird houses??? really this is what private education is ,fucking bird houses ??? Even i was going WTF!!!
By the 8th week my birdhouse resembled a bonfire that had been ran over by a truck.The fact was I was just wasn’t good in school,some people aren’t, I was one of the also ran’s, who was good craic.
I’d could call that a degree from were I’m sitting.
January 18 …
Every year starts with such promise. This will to my year. It’s all going to happen this year. In the words of the great philosopher Derek Trotter, This time next year we’ll be millionaires.
In a age were people show you their every move. I’m actually in then process of launching a new app ” Shitogram” A place were you can share your every shit.You can have different colours of shit. tag the food you’ve shitted. Tag the friends you’ve shitted with,And of course make the shit look slimmer then it actually is.
It can be hard.to see the positives in your life. Especially if you’re on social media.Everybody seems to be having such a great time. My advice, be careful who you follow.Fuck celebrity’s, get yourself some homeless friends, people with drug problems, People who’ve just lost their job, got dumped by their partner. These people will make you feel like a million dollars
And after you find these people. Tell hem how great your life is, Tag them in a shit.Show them a picture of your shit.
And of course don’t forget have a great year……..
JAN 16 2018
The modern world has gone mad. Every day we get through ,seems like a bonus. Kim Jong un and Donald Trump make the cold war look like Dirty Dancing. It’s that mad that Oprah Winfrey looks like a good candidate as the next U.S President. According to the audience at the Golden Globes. She’d be perfect and who wouldn’t trust Hollywood.
Not sure under the Obama administration this would have happened. But when the President of America says things like” I’m the most non racist person I know” or claims that he’s “Like, really intelligent “ It does seem like an improvement.
Trump has taken the world to a place we didn’t know we could go. Could you imagine even someone as stupid as George W Bush calling another country “A Shithole”
Say what you want about George W at least he’s had advisors. People say Trump has advisors. Who advised him to use shithole? What did he want to say ??? before saying ok , lets go with “Shithole”
In the latest season of House of cards. A Political show based on Frank Underwood. A Psychotic American President, who’s a closet Homosexual, married to a woman who was having a affair with her speechwriter.
A storyline so fascicle until Donald Trump came long, and made the show like something that should be on Nickelodeon. No mentions of Russian spies, racism, ballot rigging,fake news, what planet are these people living on ??
In fairness to House of Cards, it did out Trump the Donald.When it came out that the lead actor Kevin Spacey is being accused of numerous sexual assaults. Subsequently being sacked from the show, may face criminal charges. Not really sure I’d trust Hollywood about this this whole Oprah thing.
Maybe I’m wrong,Trump gets the sack , Oprah does get the job. Is Oprah prepared to move to a smaller house ? ?It would be interesting tho,Who would be her Vice President ?? My money would be on Ellen.If that’s the case, America would want to get their dancing shoes on.
There are two types of people in this world, the haves and haves not. Not sure who said this, but they’re a lot more other people than this. You forgot about the annoying and not annoying people. I feel this is the biggest insult you can say about a person. My God they’re annoying..
We’ve all been there, scratching your head thinking how the fuck do I know this person. I hate them and yet I’m on holidays with them for 2 weeks. As you get older the idea of meeting new people is about as exciting as a last minute maths exam.
Not for me, I know too many people, I could get rid of a few. It’s the small things that can annoy you like how a person talks or breathes. I once lived with a person who every 90 seconds coughed like they were giving deep throat to a gorilla
You can’t pick your family but you can pick your friends,. If that’s the case, you’d never have to go to a shit wedding again. Sitting with a table of strangers talking about patios and the cost of day care for their kids. When you don’t have kids,talking about day care is like talking to a priest about death metal.
Living with people is the big icebreaker, nothing like the sound of a flat mate in Flip-flops to make you feel about committing a homicide. In big city’s these are the sacrifices you have to make to survive. It’s about compromise and by compromise I mean work out a schedule that you never have to meet.
Certain things that happen in a house share that can stay with you for life. Like listening to a couple having sex .I don’t mean sitting outside their door with a glass to it. When you don’t want to hear it .Being woken up by the noise of people you vaguely know having sex,My god this should be used when questioning prisons of war.
I know I would sing like a canary, if I was put through it.So the next time you’re moving into a house share and you have that awkward interview with your future housemates ,make sure to ask then, how loud are you guys when you’re Riding???
You may need to get a one bedroom flat to yourself…
JAN 14 2018……
Shopping on line is way too easy, you go on to Facebook then 30 seconds later you’ve bought a pair of trainers and booked a holiday. You don’t even have to leave the house.One of the positives of on line shopping is you don’t have to try the clothes on. The changing rooms are so small in shops,the lighting is so bright ,you come out of the shop with heat stroke and think you need to cut back on carbs.
I buy all my clothes on line, it’s easier, no buses, tubes. You don’t have to talk to up beat shop assistants. Can I help you?? They’re to keen, would you just let me get out of my car.Also you can change clothes really easy, tick a box and send them back, they even pay for the post.Back in the day it was easier to make the clothes then to return them
Me-Hi, can I exchange this jeans ,they’re too small.
Assistant -Have you tried them on???
Me -No ,I just guessed it ,I did try them on
Assistant- You can’t change them ,once you’ve try them on, they’re soiled ??
Me-Soiled ??? I didn’t take a shit in them
Then you play your trump card, you didn’t want to do it,But you have no choice, You send your Mother in …Nobody fucks with your mother.Everybody knows not to fuck with someones mother.Then two days later you have your money back, a Job offer and a voucher for the shop…
People can get addicted to on line shopping Must be one of the better addictions,Unlike drink and drugs,you don’t see people on the street begging for shoes.Is there a “on line shopping anonymous “sounds like a mouth full
Alcoholic Anonymous is a safe place for people with alcohol problems, to get help, they follow a 12 step programmer.So I have been told.But it’s anonymous,nobody knows who goes in, people don’t discuss it. You have anonymity, unless you’re in Ireland. Where the meetings are sign posted.
I remember as a teenager, I’d get the bus home from town,on the route,you’d see a big massive sign on a wall going A.A THIS WAY. Get there early ……limited numbers, first come first served. Well that wasn’t there,But you get me.People knew where it was.
You can drink non-alcoholic beer, Wearing fake clothes won’t cure a shop alcoholic.I don’t get non alcoholic beer, Why would anybody want to drink non alcoholic beer.It has the taste of everything that ruined your life with absolutely no craic.Anyway I’ve got to go, I need to get back on line and buy a pair of shoes.